Jackass #17 – People who forward emails (bonus round!).

One final thing on forwarded emails.

Microsoft isn’t sending you any money for forwarding.

There is no one in Africa who is sending you 30 million USD if you open an account for him to put it in.

You aren’t getting luckier by sending a bunch of emails to people you know.

Andy Kaufman isn’t returning to the stage after hilariously faking his death.

Your prayers probably won’t be getting answered sooner – although this one is hard to prove….

You won’t become part of a massive class action settlement that you were unaware of that will make you a millionaire.

And if you change your surname with a wealthy dead guy, you won’t be in line for an inheritance.

But this cat, well, is awfully cute.

 

Jackass #16 – People who forward emails (part 2).

It’s bad enough that people insist on forwarding you their unfunny and offensive emails – but wait – there is something worse that often occurs in tandem displaying even more jackassery.

This is when the person who took the time to click the forward button, go through their email client to add ALL the names (often one by one), then failed to cut and paste the content into a fresh email that is easy to read!

So now not only do I get an email that I didn’t ask for, but I receive one that makes me work to figure out what the heck it is trying to say.  I am forced to wade through copy after copy of forwarded content and hundreds of addresses in order to get to the “nugget” that this jackass felt compelled to send in the first place.

I am exhausted just thinking about it.

 

 

Jackass Number 15 – People who forward emails (part one).

This one is so bad it is a two-parter.

A Jackass is someone who thinks it is their “job” to forward political or humorous emails to everyone in their address book.

Well, that sort of defines SPAM doesn’t it?

Well these emailing jackasses haven’t figured that out as everyday another message I could do without arrives in my inbox.

BTW -most of what is forwarded is neither funny nor insightful. In some cases the messages are downright offensive and in poor taste. These are the sorts of messages you wouldn’t want found in your email box if you were, say, running for office. Remember, virtually everything on the internet is forever.

The question here is what, if anything, with search being all that it is, really requires forwarding anyway? People generally can get the information they are looking for with a few key words.

So stop forwarding me stuff you big bunch of jackasses!

 

 

Jackass Number 14 – Guys who pee all over the toilet seat!

Public bathrooms have lots of problems. So do men. Put them together and you get one of the biggest jackass sandwiches ever!

Ladies, be thankful you never have to go into a large “MEN” public restroom – they are disgusting. And there is nothing worse than going into a stall (because you have no other choice but to take care of business) only to realize some guy (or guys!)  has peed all over the toilet seat!

Seriously, what the hell? Worse, this happens ALL THE TIME! It’s bizarre.

The question of course is why? Is it really that hard to lift up the seat?

Apparently it must impossible when you are a Jackasses!

 

Jackass Number 12 – People who overstate their work accomplishments!

Holy cow is this ever an arena that herds a bunch of jackasses together!

People who overstate or misstate their work history and accomplishments has gotten simply out of control.

Anyone browsing LinkedIn will soon start scratching their heads asking, “is this the same guy I worked with? I don’t remember him being much of a thought leader!”

Well, I guess when you are a jackass, being delusional comes with the territory.

FYI – consciously misstating is the same as lying you jackass!

Jackass Number 11 – People who tell you they are dieting!

We are all for America getting healthier. We are also all for people grabbing an apple instead of a Cinnabon.

But if there has ever been a jackass move, it’s telling everyone you can that are on a diet. First, we really don’t care – we are concerned with what we are going to eat, not you! Second, dieters have a bit of a “holier than thou” attitude when they make it public.

The worst instance is at a restaurant, when everyone around you is ordering fried appetizers and entrees with soup AND salad. Then Dr. Atkins chimes in with, “uh, I’m on a diet, do you have cottage cheese?” Please!

Dieting is misery – no matter what any bestselling diet book says. This is because you are literally starving yourself (at least partially).

So do us all a favor, keep your misery to yourself!

Jackass Number 10 – People who give the wrong directions

Women always give men a hard time about not “pulling over and asking for directions”- forcing them to drive around aimlessly. This is a bit of a jackass move on the mans part, agreed.

But I am here to tell you why they don’t. Because the world is full of Jackasses who fail to allow a silly detail like knowing what they are talking about stop them from blathering on like they are some sort of expert. These stooges will gladly provide you bad advice and best of all, not know they are doing it! This is partly why men would rather figure out directions for themselves.

Turn left at the light, go four blocks, then go left…you can’t miss it! So off you go to find a dead end!

And really what can do about it at this point? Nothing, nothing at all.

What you’d like to do is drive back and find the guy who gave the directions and say, “hey Jackass, I got some directions for you, go to hell!”

Jackass Number 9 – People who play the Lotto

 

OK I get one is 45 times more likely to get struck by lightning than winning the lotto.

I also get that working toward something worthwhile has a greater chance of providing monetarily success than plunking down a few buck each week at the nearby convenience store.

I also get that despite the fact despite all these state lotteries were sold on the grounds that they would bring billions to schools – the schools are all broke.

What really gets me is when I am in a big hurry at the gas station and I go into the convenience store to deal with a clerk (because of something wrong at the pump) I am forced to deal with one of these Lotto Jackasses. I am forced to stand behind some Lotto freak who makes everyone wait while the clerk scans dozens of their losing tickets.

Who are these people?

These are people who have their own special Lotto accessories! A special pouch for their tickets. They seem to have some method. It all seems very serious.

Well, Jackass, why don’t you take all that Lotto energy and convert it into something useful?

Just a thought!